1,2,3... and begin again...

somewhere there was this tune

"...1,2,3... and begin again..."

it repeated in a lovely, clear female voice

they were dance directions

sounding like an old time, crackling recording

i can hear it in my head like a beautiful echo

at first, it is a feeling of a new start

almost like a fresh awakening, "...begin again..."

and then

the pit

the lump

The Dread.

it is the new start 

of the next year of missing you

and filling my empty albatross of a box with another infinite number of 

events, memories, visions, worries, joys, celebrations, disappointments, life lessons - for us both, 

and growth, most of all, growth.

so farewell again, it sounds so redundant, because it is.

Madison Joan Friel

august 10, 2002 ~ august 26, 2002

i will share you again on your birthday next year 

with whoever will hear

all my love,

mommy